515 Pages

(After intro)

Hipper: So, boss, how's the master plan coming?

Sue: We can't wait any longer. This is our chance!

Judge Maya: We must initiate soon!

Fransisco (identity concealed): Don't fret, my idiotic little puppets. She'll never know what hit her. Bwa ha ha! Initiate the master plan.

Judge Maya: Oh ho ho ho!

Hipper: Bwa ha. Ha ha ha. Ha ha!

Sue: Eee hehe! Eee he!

[Lights turn on]

Hipper: Oh, that's better.

(More intro)

Matilda: Murphy, what if Mom doesn't come? I told her to meet us here five minutes ago!

Murphy: Don't worry, Matilda. This is to big for even Mia to miss.

Miss Luna: TESTING, TESTING, 1-2-3!!!

[crowd screams]

Miss Luna: I think it works. Welcome, parents, to the PS-22 preschool graduation!

[crowd cheers faintly]

Fat-Bear: It's about time!

Miss Luna: Thank you for that, fat purple bear three rows back...

Fat-Bear: Hey!

Miss Luna: Parents, as you know, the preschoolers have been working very hard this year, and this is their time to shine! Let's give it up from the preschoolers!

[crowd cheers faintly]

[all the preschoolers appear on stage]

Miss Luna: Let's get this party started! But I must warn you: One of you did not graduate!

[crowd gasps]

Miss Luna: First up: Ken LaChillz! Congratulations, Ken.

Ken: Yo, they said that poor people like me couldn't graduate! Well, look at me now! Ya'll were wrrrrooonnnnggg!

[crowd makes disgusted noises]

[Miss Luna pushes Ken off stage]

Miss Luna: Next up: Ella and Bella Bittlemeier! Congratulations!

Ella: This is the moment of our lives!

[Ella and Bella jump off stage]

Kit: I'm so proud!

Birdena: T'uh...

[Ella and Bella fall right on Birdena's face]

Matilda: Where is that woman?!

Judge Mia: Excuse me sorry, oh, scooch over there. Hey guys, sorry I'm late, I just forgot!

[Matilda looks at Mia hatefully]

Miss Luna: Well, parents, we have six graduates left! But remember: One of them did not graduate...

Mia: What? Did Marley and Maggie graduate?

Matilda: Hmph...

Turdsley: I'd like to thank my Mom...

Miss Luna: Get lost!

[Miss Luna punches Turdsley off stage]

[Birdena pushes Ella and Bella off her]

Birdena: AAAAHHHH!

[Turdsley falls on top of Birdena]

Miss Luna: Next up: Marley and Maggie Bananomanoman!

Maggie: Hey, Grandmaaaaaaaaaaaaa!

[crowd gasps]

Mia: Shut up, you little brat!

Maggie: Wa.

Miss Luna: Congratulations, twins!

Matilda: Mom, how could you! Maggie was just looking for the affection of her grandmother!

Mia: Everything I do is wrong in your eyes!

Miss Luna: Well, it all comes down to this...One of you will be held back another year of preschool!

Stench: I wonder who it could be [LAUGHS]

Buck: Stop 'eh!

Miss Luna: The preschooler who did not graduate is...

[crinkling comes from the crowd]

Miss Luna: Hey! What's going on over there!

[Mia is in the crowd, eating out of a bag of chips]

Mia: Om nom nom nom nom!

[crowd gasps]

Matilda: Mom, you get rid of those chips right now! You're making a scene!

Miss Luna: Looks like someone's eating chips, folks. Anyway, the preschooler who did not graduate is Buck! Like I needed to tell you.

Buck: T'uh. Another year of misery.

Miss Luna: Right. Anyway, everyone, go home, get lost, scram! Time to start the summer!

Announcer: Outside the school...

Matilda: Mom, I have had it with you!

Mia: I was just a little late, Matilda, you're such a drama queen!

Murphy: Stay close, kids.

Marley and Maggie: Wa.

Matilda: That's your problem! You're always late late late late late! You don't care about this family! You don't care about usssss!

Mia: Matilda...I've already lost Fransisco...I would never want to lose my family, too.

Matilda: Your family? T'uh. Huh huh. Don't make me laugh. There never was a "your family". In fact, as of now, you are not part of this family. And we will not talk to you, as of, seriously, this is the last time I'm gonna talk to you. As of NOW! Come on, guys.

[The Bananomanomans exit]

Announcer: The next day!

[Mia enters courthouse]

Mia: Uh, sorry I'm late, Nut. I had a rough day yesterday.

Humphrey: EH HE HE HEEE! (crying)

Mia: What the?!

Humphrey: EH HE HE HEEEE HE HE! (crying)

Nut: It's okay, Humphrey, it's...[sniff] okay...

Mia: What's going on?

Nut: Oh, hey Mia. We just got a...a strange letter...

Mia: What did it say?

Nut: Here, read for yourself.

Mia: 'Dear Judge Mia and company, you are being summoned to Supreme Court for your trial. You are being sued by the New World Order of the Evil Conglomeration, formerly Evil Association. On the grounds that you have sent innocent people to jail. Signed, King and Judge Milo'. This stinks!

Nut: And the worst part's true! You have sent innocent people to jail!

Mia: Give me one example.

[zooms into Nut's face]

[flashback begins]

Mia: Grouch, 90 days! Oh?

Grouch: (crying)

[next flashback]

Mia: Mama Java! 12 months in jail, and also you have to put 'Caution: Hot' labels on all your cups from now on!


[next flashback]

Mia: Alright, that's it! I've had enough of you brats! Both of you, go to jail!

Chelsea: (screams)

[next flashback]

Mia: AAAAHHHHH! Both of you, go to jail! No ifs ands or buts!

Chipper: Do I still get my money?

[next flashback]

Mia: Birdena, for pretending to shoot someone, you shall got to Geezer Groves!

Birdena: WHAT?!

[flashbacks end]

Mia: Well, uh, I, uh, well, uh...

Nut: We'll surely get the death penalty! Unless...

Mia: Don't call me Shirley!

Nut: Mia, there's a way out! If we raise 10,000 stuffiebucks we can skip the trial!

Mia: That seems a little unfair, but whatever! I'm going home!

Announcer: That night!

Mia: (soft crying) I have no home [sniff] family...[sniff] and I'm about to be sent to jail (crying)

Reynolds: Mmmmm! Judge Mia?

Mia: [gasp]

Reynolds: Reynolds is here!

Mia: Reynolds, my old husband! Is it really you?

Reynolds: Figment of your imagination, I am.

Mia: It's really you, hugsies, oh ya, hug

Reynolds: Awkward, that was.

Mia: Wow, I thought you were dead!

Reynolds: Dead, I am. But also here in spirit!

Mia: Huh?

Reynolds: Come, I have, to aid you in this predicament of yours!

Mia: Reynolds, I don't know what to do! Matilda's rejected me from the family! And if I don't raise 10,000 stuffiebucks by tomorrow, I'll probably go to jail for life!

Reynolds: I know my daughter, I do. And she will never reject her mother.

Mia: But she has! She's been this way ever sense you...

Reynolds: What is it?

Mia: ...Died...Hey! Maybe you could talk to her! Then she'd come to her senses!

Reynolds: Only a spirit, I am. You are the only one who can see and talk to me, you are.

Mia: That's dumb!

Reynolds: About this money problem, good things come to those who wai—

Mia: Um, I don't think that will work in this situation, Reynolds.

Reynolds: A stitch in time saves nine?

Mia: No, that's won't work either...

Reynolds: A bird in the hand is worth two in the—

Mia: NO!

Reynolds: Getting feisty, you are. Well, you could always do a fundraiser.

Mia: That's what I'll do, i'll do a fundraiser! Thanks, Reynolds, you're brilliant! I'm sure all my friends would love to help!

[scene changes]

Birdena: No.

Mia: Come on, guuyyzzuh! You gotta help us!

Nut: We're getting sued, and if we don't do this fundraiser, we'll probably go to jail!

Murphy: I don't know, Mia. It's really dangerous for us to even be here, what with Matilda and everything. We're not even supposed to be talking to you!

Birdena: I need intel on this fundraiser thing. What are we selling, and what's the prizes?

Mia: Okay, gang, here's the deal. We need to raise 10,000 stuffiebucks by tomorrow, that's when the trial is. And if we don't have 10,000 stuffiebucks by tomorrow, that's when the trial is...I don't want to think about it...

Nut: We're selling Crazy Bread! It's like dough in a crazy little knot, it's really fun for the kids. Execpt it's really cheap, too...but they won't notice!

[nudges Humphrey with arm]

Nut: Uh, Humphrey? That's your cue!

Humphrey: Huh? Oh, oh, right. And whoever becomes the top seller will win the prize.

Buck: What is the prize?

Nut: These batteries!

Birdena: Out of the way, suckers!

Buck: I wanna be the top sella'!

Turdsley: No, me!

All: Sell, sell, sell, sell!

Reynolds: Good job.

Mia: Thanks, Reynolds, I couldn't do it without you!

Murphy: Who is Mia talking to? Whatever!

Nut: Okay, everyone, get out there and sell as much Crazy Bread as you can!


Announcer: Later...

Kit: Hello? Oh, hey, Mom.

Birdena: Buy some Crazy Bread from me, now, you daughter!

Kit: Oh, well, I do love Crazy Bread, and I'm sure the kids will want some, too. I'll take 20.

Birdena: Perfection...

[scene change]

Private: Doo d-do...

Buck: Hault!

Private: Aaaahhhh!

Buck: Would you like to buy some Crazy Bread, sir?

Private: Well, I-I don't really think—

Buck: DO IT!

[scene change]

Brownfeather: And so, you see, by the power of the Ancient Spirits, you shall buy this Crazy Bread!

Unnamed Frog (Number 2): We'll take 50.

[scene change]

Murphy: Okay, kids, let me do the talking.

Twins: Tee hee

Murphy: Good morning, sir. Can I interest you in some Crazy—

Marley: BUY OUR PRODUCT!!!!!

[scene change]

Turdsley: Buy some Crazy Bread.

Fudge: And if I don't?

Turdsley: Then...I'll ask you again.

Fudge: Okay, fine!

[scene change]

Birdena: Get lost, Buck, I got here first!

Buck: No way, Birdena!

Birdena: I wanna be the top sella'!

Unnamed Rabbit: Ahhh, call the police!

[scene change]

Mia: People, people, settle down. Okay, people, we've got 1 hour until the trial so let's hope we've met our quota.


Nut: The top seller is...It's a tie, between Buck and Birdena!

[Birdena and Buck start attacking each other, and they both roll out of the room]

Mia: Whatever. So, Nut, how much money did we make?

Nut: We made...9,999 stuffiebucks...

[people gasp]

Mia: You mean we only needed one more stuffiebuck and we could have skipped the triiiaaaallll???!

Humphrey: We're gonna go to jail!

All: Uh, well, we gotta go, yeah...

[The Gang exits]

Reynolds: Time for the trial, it is.

Mia: Humphrey, Nut? It's been an honor working with you.

Nut: Likewise. By the way, guys, it's probably better just to keep this whole thing under wraps. JMN doesn't need anymore bad publicity as it is.

[scene change]

Pete Pooper: This is a breaking news alert! Sources have confirmed that Judge Mia will be standing trial in Supreme Court today!

[scene change]

Elmer: The world renowned judge is being sued by a currently unknown group.

[scene change]

Unnamed Dragon: D-d-da daaa d-d-da daaaa!

[scene change]

Unnamed Red Monster: Eee aah aaah oh ah oh oh ah ee oh

[scene change]

Unnamed Bear (Number 5): Well, one thing's for sure, Russel, you can't judge Mia!

[scene change]

[crowd noises]

Milo: Order in the cooouuuurrrrttt! The case of the New World Order of the Evil Conglomeration, formerly Evil Association, vs. Judge Mia and friends commence! New World Order of the Evil Conglomeration, formerly Evil Association, is suing Judge Mia because they think that Judge Mia's sent innocent people to jail!

[crowd gasps]

Milo: Plaintiff, please present your evidence!

Fransisco: With pleasure!

[crowd gasps]

Mia: Fransisco?!

Fransisco: That's right, Mia! I've united all of your greatest enemies to create the ultimate power against you!

Mia: You fiend.

Reynolds: Who's that, Mia?

Mia: Oh, just my other husband. Don't worry, we're divorced.

Reynolds: Okay...Fransisco killed me.

Mia: WHAT?!

Milo: Who is she talking to?

Fransisco: Mia, you are insane!

Croakella: You go, honey bunches!

Milo: Folks, come on! Let's get this show on the road!

Fransisco: Judge Milo, we were all wrongly sentenced to jail by Judge Mia!

Mia: You were never in one of my cases, Fransisco!

Fransisco: I'll do the talking, hag!

Milo: I see your side of the story, Evil Conglomeration. Defendants, do you have a...defense?

Mia: Uh, no, your honor.

[crowd gasps]

Milo: So you admit that this is true?

Mia: No! I mean...yes, it is true...

[crowd gasps]

Mia: But, no! It's-It's different than it seems!

Fransisco: It would seem it's not different, Mia.

Mia: Huh?

Milo: Well, then, do you have the 10,000 stuffiebucks to bail out?

Mia: Well...okay, here's the deal. We made 9,999...but, we're missing one, your honor.

[crowd gasps]


Mia: Matilda?

Milo: What's going on?

Matilda: Mom...I saw how determined you were with that fundraiser...So here's the last stuffiebuck. From now on, I promise to accept you for who you are, Mom!

Mia: Ohhh, come here, you!

[Mia and Matilda hug]

[crowds "aw"s]

Milo: (wiping eye) Well, this is a treat!

Reynolds: My family!

Fransisco: No!

Redford-Bananomanomans: FAMILY!

Milo: Judge Mia, and friends, you are hereby released of all charges!...Huh, I don't get paid enough for this.

[crowd gathers around Mia and co.]

[happy crowd noises]

Mia: Attention, everyone, attention! Matilda's showed my so much family compassion, that I've retire.

[crowd gasps]

Matilda: No, Mom, really, you don't have to.

Mia: I want be with my family.

Nut: Mia, after all we just went through?!

Mia: Don't worry, Humphrey can take my place!

Humphrey: (gasp) This is my dream job...

Mia: Thanks for everything, Reynolds.

Reynolds: It was all you, Mia.


[Mia and Reynolds are shown dancing]

[Buck and Conga are shown dancing]

[Birdena is shown dancing, then breaks her back, referring to the same incedent from The Justice Bride]

[Brownfeather is shown dancing]

[Matilda and Murphy are shown dancing much slower than the music]

[Marley and Maggie are shown dancing in an upbeat fashion]

[Private is shown dancing]

[Turdsley is shown doing a worm-like dance]

[Judge Milo escorts the Evil Conglomeration out of the courthouse]

Fransisco: No, no, no yo can't send us to jail!

Croakella: I'll visit you in jail, honey!

[Mia is shown dancing in front of the whole "gang", then jumps up in the air]


Mia: Over the past few years, the gang has gone our separate ways.

Buck married Ruby, but he's still in preschool.

Nut opened a business school.

Uh, Birdena's long dead.

Turdsley married Fluffy! But they were last seen five years ago in the mountains searching for the meaning of food.

After Mr. Shinypelt died, Murphy became the CEO of S.C. Shinypelt, and Marley will soon inherit it.

Matilda and Maggie opened a fake banana factory.

As for me, I'm happy here at Geezer Groves Retirement Home.

Oh ya, and Humphrey's still the judge.

Announcer: We now return to Judge Humphrey.

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