515 Pages


Announcer: Bum b-b-bum bum bum! Birdena is suing Turdsley for trespassing in her yard and squishing her garden.

Judge Mia: Order order order order order order order in the-

Nut: Stop the case!

[crowd gasps]

Mia: Nut, what is the meaning of this?

Nut: Terribly sorry, your honor, but it has come to my attention that your courtroom does not meet the new law.

[crowd gasps]

Mia: What new law?!

Nut: Judicial Bill 17-30, it was just passed this morning. He hem. Let me read from section one: There shall be a jury in every court!

[crowd gasps]

Mia: A jury?

Nut: That's right. But I've already taken the liberty of putting one up for you.

Jury: Hi.

Mia: Were they even there before? Wait a minute. Does this mean that I don't get to make the decisions anymore?

Nut: That's right. From now on you'll be more of a...decoration.

[crowd gasps]

Mia: Nut, please! I hate this new law! Do something! Anything!

Nut: Sorry, but the law is the law. ON WITH THE CASE!

Mia: Grrrrr...

Ginger, as a Jury Member: I know we'll be the best of friends. Don't you?

Birdena: I came here to sue a snot-nosed little brat! Not to listen to this court sitcom!

Mia: Ah, yes. Birdena, please tell us what happened.

Birdena: Ladies and gentleman of the juraaaaayyy

Mia: Hey! You're supposed to tell me what happened!

Ginger, as a Jury Member: Not anymore!

Birdena: Mia, just pipe down. I'm trying to tell the jury. Ladies and gentleman of the juraaaaayyy...I was a poor, elderly woman, tending my garden one day. But than this...BAFOON! [crowd gasps] Trampled across the fence and squished my poor vegetables! They're my only source of food. I don't believe in going to the grocery store. Anyway, I am just suing for my vegetables back...and also a trillion billion dollars. I think you'll all agree that that is a fair punishment. Thank you, I have no more.

Jury: Oh, ya, sounds reasonable.

Mia: That's not even a real number!

Pinceone, as a Jury Member: Mia, we rule the courthouse now, not you.

Mia: But-

Nut: Listen to the jury, Mia

Mia: So unfair!

[commercial break]

Jury: Guilty. Guilty, guilty, guilty.

Mia: Why do they get to decide who's the winner?

Turdsley: It's my turn to say what happened! Ladies and gentleman of the juraaaaayyy I didn't squish her garden; She's overreacting. I just touched her rosebud. That is all.

Jury: Guilty. Guilty, guilty, guilty.

Nut: Ladies and gentleman of the juraaaaayyy, you may now decide who is guilty.

Jury: [whispers]

Mia: That should be me! Alright, I've had just about enough of this jury!

[attacks Nut]

Mia: Listen up, you stupid squirrel thing! If you don't change that law, than I will!

Nut: You'

[crowd gasps]

Ginger, as a Jury Member: Tuh. Amateurs.

Mia: [grabs law] What do we have here? I'll just add a few modifications of my own. [writes "No Jury" on law] Yah! Alright, you fools! It's right there is black and white! So there shall never be a jury in my courtroom again! [to Jury:] Get out of my courtroom, you hypocrites!

Jury: [gasp, and leave]

Mia: I'm the judge; it's my courtroom; and I say that Turdsley wins!

Turdsley: Yaaaaahhh!

Birdena: Uh! That doesn't even make sense! I hate this place! I shall get revenge, Judge Mia! [turns to camera] Don't you film me!

Nut: Uh, what happened, I can't remember anything. What's this? A new law that says no juries allowed? Oh, yes, no jury, no jury...

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